tv Late Night With Jimmy Fallon NBC September 29, 2012 12:35am-1:35am EDT
( cheers and applause ) >> dave: pretty darn good. thank you very much. good to see you again. nice to see you, my friend. that was great! fan task! fantastic! what are you doing here on geezer night? sounds fantastic. good to have you with us again. good luck, gentlemen, good to have you here. thanks for watching. good night, everybody. [laughter] craig: please state your name for the folks at home. >> jeff. craig: jeff arnold?
that's two first names. do you a third name? >> it is just jeff arnold. craig: all right. all right. relax. [laughter] anything special going on in your life at the moment, jeff? >> yeah, there is. craig: oh, really? what is it? >> it's my birthday. [applause] craig: it's his birthday! [applause] jeff, my buddy, his birthday! please, nobody sing "happy birthday." we can't afford that but it is his birthday. jeff told me himself right before we started the show. [laughter] and we got you a present. >> really? craig: yes. [laughter] craig: michael? >> dinner. craig: dinner with michael. [laughter] no? no. a t-shirt.
yeah, we got a t-shirt. hold on. there you go. thanks. a t-shirt with my name on it so you can be like look. i put my name in it. >> i can sleep in it. craig: you can sleep in it. where are you going to send him for dinner? >> craig's restaurant. craig: that is not my raupt. >> it is not? craig: no. >> ki come to your house? craig: you have been to my house. why would you want to come again? >> i just like you. [applause] [laughter] craig: all right. you ready? we'll sing a song. >> what do you want to sing? craig: obviously -- ♪ ebony and -- it was a joke, man! it was a joke. this is my friend. it is his birthday!
he's 30 years old today! [applause] 50/50. [laughter] >> the difference. craig: i guess it is true what they say then, isn't it? >> exactly. [laughter] >> i got to get back to work. craig: ok. i got to get back to work too. happy birthday. >>♪ it's hard to stay up it's been a long, long day and you've got the sandman at the door but hang on leave the tv on and let's do it anyway it's ok you can always sleep through work tomorrow ok hey, hey tomorrow's just your future yesterday ♪ [captioning made possible by worldwide pants, inc., and the cbs television network]
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very good. thanks. [applause] thanks, everyone. thank you. shh. quietly now. quietly. that's enough. quietly, everyone. please keep it quiet. you'll frighten the horse. you'll frighten -- thank you. [laughter] i offered you the opportunities of doing something slightly different and that was frightening. said the horse and then you were like now we have to take a picture of the horse. oh no! [laughter] quiet, everyone. you'll frighten the gay robot skeleton. [applause] geoff, can we have your hand fixed? we need to have your hand fixed this weekend. geoff: what are you talking about? craig: i got to get you a hand job this weekend. [laughter]
it's a great day for america, everybody! [applause] it's friday, of course! oh, look, my nipples are perky. it is a great day for america but a little bit of a tricky day for britain. you see, i'm doing this. that's british for tricky. oh, a little bit tricky. things are a little tricky. well, in britain because you know prince middleton and kate middleton, you know prince william and kate middleton, more pictures were leaked onto the internet. not just topless. bottomless. [laughter] i saw them, you know, for research. research. i had to look for america's good -- i had to see them. [laughter] this is kingly? no, no, no. i saw it.
a message to prince harry. don't worry, prince harry. you're still the only royal who's ginger down below. that by the way is an old sea shanty. ♪ he's got blonde hire a black mustache a brown beard but he is ginger down below me boys, ginger down below ♪ apparently so is secretariat. [laughter] are you checking? [laughter] here in l.a., everyone is in panic mode! oh! it's carmageddon this weekend! [psycho music] no one gives a rat's ass.
for those of you who don't live here -- first, congratulations. "carmageddon" is what the local media are calling this weekend. one of our main freeways is being shut down for a few days. yes! carpal gettin' ! [psycho music] the result is a phenomenon called "really bad traffic." so we're all being advised to stay home and not drive. the entire population of l.a. is being treated like amanda bynes. [laughter] i got to drive. i have to drive this weekend. if i can't drive, i have to walk to my weekend job. i hate that. i don't want to walk five miles in stripper heels. the goldfish will die. [laughter] the freeway that's closing is 405, the main freeway of the city. it's getting "some work done." sooner or later, everyone in l.a. takes time off to "get some work done." just diet and exercise. what are you talking about? yeah, i've lost a little weight. [laughter]
one monday i'm going to turn up like that. i'm going to be like hey, hey. oh, oh, cheeky monkeys. what a great day for america. hi, geoffrey peterson. geoff: i had some work done. they grafted off all of my skin. craig: this week is technically carpal gettin' 2. because they did this last year. there were some positive effects. look. carmageddon led to a baby boom! apparently nine months after the last carmageddon, there was a big surge in local births. local births. i guess asphalt wasn't the only thing getting laid. hey, hey! [applause] i'm doing that because i did an actual joke. [laughter] ♪ did an actual joke.
[laughter] can i see that newspaper again. show the headline at the bottom. hey! [laughter] i guess the asphalt wasn't the only thing getting laid! what about some music for when i do that. do we have any music for that? ♪ [applause] all right. hey, i'll have to do more jokes if that is the music we get. [laughter] i guess the asphalt wasn't the only thing getting laid. [applause] ♪ all right. all right. oh, yeah. carpal gettin' .
-- carpal gettin' . there is another positive effect from last year's carmageddon. this is true. the air quality in l.a. improved 83% that weekend. wow! that usually only happens when larry king leaves town. [larry king] "i need a catalytic converter for my ass." [laughter] during the first carmageddon, some l.a. residents found life without their cars really inspiring. so they went to the woods and set their priuses free. [laughter] "drive, drive and be free"! but for most living here, it's not easy giving up cars. it's like new yorkers giing up their subways. or people in denver giving up their bongs. [laughter] are you going to drive this weekend? geoff: i guess the asphalt wasn't the only thing getting
déja, deja-vu? the headphone jack is going to be on the bottom. (explosion noise) welcome back! guess the galaxy s3 didn't work out. no, i love the gs3. it's awesome. i'm just saving a spot in line for someone. hey! hey! mom, dad! oh, thanks for holding our spot. you guys have fun. home by midnight you two. hahaha vo: the next big thing is already here. the samsung galaxy s3. wait honey, this is the line for apps. i stand... yep! hey, bro. or engaging. conversations help us learn and grow. at wells fargo, we believe you can never underestimate the power of a conversation. it's this exchange of ideas that helps you move ahead with confidence. so when the conversation turns to your financial goals... turn to us. if you need anything else, let me know. [ female announcer ] wells fargo. together we'll go far.
[applause] craig: ♪ craig: welcome back, everybody. welcome back. welcome back to the jeff arnold birthday spectacular. jeff's one of the guy who is works here. it is his birthday today. we're celebrating by -- what are we doing? geoff: we're singing songs. craig: really? geoff: oh, yeah. yeah. craig: do you think my cold is getting better, by the way? i think i sound a bit husky. geoff: you do sound a bit husky. craig: would you like me to seduce you? [laughter]
is that what you're trying to tell me? [laughter] what do you think? geoff: please seduce me. [laughter] craig: what time is it, geoffrey peterson? geoff: because the free way is closed and they canceled your cable service, it is tweet mail time. craig: play the jingle. ♪ [applause] craig: all right, geoff. this is from daria in newark, new jersey. you ever been there? geoff: love it there. craig: i'll tell you why i like newark. because even though it is stinky, i always feel at home. geoff: you just described my
love life. craig: it is a little smelly in newark. it smells a bit like -- what does it smell like? geoff: like flamingos. craig: yeah, flamingos. hi, craig and geoff. i was wondering if craig was going to crumble up this e-mail because i put geoff's name on it first. i read my name out first. i know you put geoff's name first but i read my name first. you know why? i have the power. geoff: what the hell, man? craig: what do you mean? geoff: says my name first. craig: aye carumba!. did you just act surprised there when i cussed? which tells me you have no idea which show you have come to. they are like this is not "the price is right." you're darn uh-oh right it is not "the price is right." that's right. [applause] and here's how you know. because when we tell a joke
[applause] ♪ [laughter] craig: i'm frightened. can you come up and get me? come get me. congresswoman come on. you're a special life-saving robots. geoff: how are you going to get down? craig: tell me one of your show business ack eck dotes. that usually brings me down. geoff: i guess asphalt wasn't the only thing that got laid. craig: all right. all right. hey, what's that over there? hey, look at geoff. [laughter]
oh, man, i've got to stop change to. i'm 50 now. this is from cindy in columbia, south carolina. you like it down there. geoff: love it down there. craig: good. dear craig and geoff. who shops for your fruit? is that code? is that a sex thing like who shops for your food like who -- is that a sex thing? you know all of those things. geoff: oh, yeah. craig: is it a -- what is a fruit shopper. what is that then? geoff: that's -- well, i can't -- what's a fruit shooper. craig: i thought you said what is a fruit shooter. which i think is actually border line actually a thing. [laughter] this is from jordan in kansas city, missouri. ever been there? geoff: love it there. craig: you like it right in the middle there. geoff: love it there.
craig: dear craig, will you read j.c. rowling's new novel? of course i will. i'm a griffin dor. i know it. i know. it has no harry potter stuff in it. however, i'm willing to let that go by, for now. what about you? >> you're gryffindor. i'm hustlewest bank. craig: hufflewest bank? i thought that was a slang term for fruit shopper. >> this is no ree n from germany. we have to read it out in a perverted accent. this is from nor ian in germany.
how terribly amusing. [laughter] why is that garlic -- what is that garlic bulb that looks like kangaroo testicles. here is actual kangaroo testicles and here is a garlic bulb. let's look at that again, shall we? here is kangaroo testicles and here is a garlic bulb. [laughter] this makes me happy. i don't know why. geoff: it is so hard to tell the difference. [laughter] craig: geoff, what doity ladies say when we walk into the club in -- do the ladies say when we walk into the club in berlin? ♪ here come the players and then what do they say? ♪ their so fine [laughter]
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please? >> dime do one last forensic sweep like you told me to do. travis came at me with his sword. i fought him off and knocked him out. >> how did he end up wrapped in plastic on the alter -- altar? >> i snapped. [applause] craig: michael c. hall, everybody! michael c. hall! [applause] michael. you know what this tells you? you know this tells you that the
folks love a serial killer. >> oh, yeah. craig: it's very -- it is a very big hit, this show. the folks -- it is the comedy about the guy that kills people. >> as you can see from that clip, it is a laugh riot. [laughter] it has its comic elements, but i think, you know, it gives the audience permission to identify with him. he is arguingly justifyable in what he is doing. craig: i mean, it is not metaphorically getting rid of the enemy. it is getting rid of the enemy. what is the body count for dexter now? >> in terms of what we have seen on screen it is probably around 50. craig: yeah. [laughter] i guess it really does put the lotion in the basket, doesn't it? i was fascinated with this world for a while. did you do a lot of studying about it? >> yeah. some of the most useful stuff was books by f.b.i. profilers.
craig: robert restler? did you read his book? >> i'm familiar with it. it was an f.b.i. profiler. i just imagined that dexter himself would have flarsed himself with some of this stuff, not to fit certain profiles. craig: psychopaths try to fit in like they are appearing like normal people. >> like what we're doing right now. craig: exactly so. sometimes i can't contain my scary psychopathic nature. [creepy music] you ought to put some of that music in "dexter." >> usually the ear that is not on camera, i have a sound track coming in. craig: you played some very interesting roles, though. i remember you in "six feet under." >> i did all of my own stunts. craig: i remember one particular scene in a parking lot.
i was like good for you. >> yeah, david and the male prostitute. right as he got there, the police lights hit his -- craig: i remember it. it is sered into my memory. >> and my mother's. craig: i was like well, this is not cbs as i recall. >> no. craig: that was on the hbo, wasn't it? >> that is not even tv. craig: do you find that people are a little nervous around you because you play such a convincing odd person or are they good at kind of -- >> the people who are really nervous probably don't even approach me but i'm actually more taken with how much people seem to have an affection for the character. craig: really? >> i love dexter. he's the best! [laughter] craig: he's so clean. he never leaves evidence anywhere. >> his apartment is so tidy. craig: yeah. >> i don't know. craig: does it freak with you? you have done a lot of graphic acting.
does the it mess with your head? >> i think so. i think i'll only appreciate just how much it has messed with my head when we finish. craig: yeah. >> my brain starts to flush it out of my system and i'll start having even weirder dreams then. craig: you want to move on to something else then . i'm thinking "sesame streets" or something. flush it out of your system. >> yeah. i would love to talk to puppets for a living. [applause] oh. craig: oh that, one. >> he's got wires and stuff. oh, look at that. craig: actually we should try him with the scary music. >> yeah. [creepy music] [laughter]
craig: that's really -- actually you know what? give me these back. i'm going to put them in the show. they will be awesome. >> i'm glad i didn't say something about something sharper. craig: equipment? >> i was imagining you throwing knives at me. craig: no, no, no. my serial killer days are long behind me. i was very interested in it for a while. i think i wanted to write about it for a while. every writer, and i'm not really, but they all go through a phase about wanting to do something about serial killers. >> people send me things and within page one i'm killing someone. really? you think? craig: you don't seem particularly scary to me but of course that's maybe the trick. >> i think you have to -- dexter has to be believablely affable. people don't suspect.
craig: have you ever met -- >> not to my knowledge. craig: you didn't pay a visit to one of those guys -- >> i didn't do any -- i read transcripts of interviews but i didn't conduct -- craig: i think that is probably for the best. >> i was afraid i would get too freaked out to do it. craig: i can understand that. where are you from originally? >> north carolina. craig: there you go. >> it all makes sense now. yeah. craig: where in north carolina? >> raleigh for the most part. the capital city. both of my parents are from a small town, plymouth. i still have a li'l little place there. craig: get a little place. go swimming. geoff, you have a place. geoff: hell yeah. you should come by sometime. >> slugse absolutely. >> geoff: love to have you for dinner. [laughter] >> piercing. craig: he's scary what's a come
and a go. we're out of time. we have been fruit shopping. [laughter] fancy any of these? >> pepino. craig: yeah, that is my italian stripper name. >> really? what's her last name? when i meant her, i meant you. craig: oh in character? no, i strip as a man. >> i -- pepino. craig: gentlemen, please welcome pepino. he's got a surprise for you. ♪ black velvet you want to hold these? >> sophisticated. [applause] ♪
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[applause] ♪ craig: all right. that's enough. [laughter] and i didn't even tell a joke. [laughter] my next guest is an emmy-winning actress. she stars in "raising hope." the season premiere is october 2 on fox. take a look at this. >> make sure you bury me in a dress like this. >> it looks custom made. i'll try to find you one like it. >> not kind of like it. just like that. >> it is weird and a waste of foil. i'm not taping one of your eyes
open either. >> oh, come on. that will be hilarious! [laughter] craig: it is a little dark this evening, isn't it? please welcome the lovely martha plimpton, everybody! [applause] >> i love your new studio. i love it. craig: what do you think? >> i love it. i'm so honored to be here on jeff arnold night. craig: we celebrate the work of jeff arnold. >> it is a special evening. craig: we celebrate jeff's 50th birthday by sending him to a restaurant on his own. what is happening on the show this year? did somebody die? >> i'm always getting into trouble. first of all, the show is going great. craig: it is my favorite show. >> thank you for saying that.
craig: it is my favorite show. that and the other show. >> "dexter." yeah. craig: these are my two shows. >> but i did this crazy thing where i suggested to my bosses over at that other network where i do the show. craig: fox? >> yeah, them. [laughter] i suggested to them that we have a contest and they i will fly anywhere in the country, because you know, i play a housekeeper on the show. craig: sure i do. i never miss an episode. >> i'm not a professional house cleaner in real life but i play one on the show. i said we will fly anywhere and clean our biggest fan's house. craig: it will be a hoarder. it will be a hoarder! >> or like a cat collector or a crime scene. craig: do you ever watch that "hoarder" shee? >> of course. craig: i was like uh-oh. excuse me. do you watch "hoarders"? >> of course i do.
craig: there was one show where a woman -- the emergency hoarder squad had to come in and they were getting rid of all of this woman's stuff. she was like i have to keep some of this stuff. these handbags here, i'm saving them for my sister. >> or they have a long thing about why they have 18 mummified cats and they have to save each one of them. craig: for their sister. but the thing was she was saving all of these handbags for her sister and her husband was there. he was like we have been together since 1985. you don't have a sister. >> what? craig: i was like -- and then she said that's because you had an affair with her. this is true! i watched this stuff. i'm like oh, man, i'm starting to feel as sane as anything watching this. i think that is why people watch it. >> no doubt. i dated a guy once who thought i was a hoarder but i don't come anywhere near that. craig: what do you collect?
>> i don't really collect anything. craig: you save some things for your sister? >> i never move. i don't have a sister -- well, i do have a sister but i don't save things for her. craig: you forgot you have a sister? >> i have a half sister. craig: that is the old-fashioned way. we just say sister. >> she is my sister. not that i collect stuff. i just have never moved. ever. craig: where do you live? not the exact street. it is "dexter" night so -- >> i live in new york. live in the same apartment i grew up in. craig: that's fantastic! how did you get your parents out? >> my mother was delighted to leave. craig: oh, rent control. yeah. come on. >> well, it is not quite control. not quite controlled, no. that's all i'm saying, craig. craig: that's great, though. >> its means when you move, you cull. craig: how do you know?
you have never moved. >> i've never had to move so i have never really culled. craig: it is such a wrong word. just ault all the killing. "dexter". >> you know how it is. craig: you clear stuff out. >> do i really need this paper i wrote in second grade. craig: you have all of that stuff? >> no, i don't have all of it. i'm not insane is what i'm trying to tell you. craig: a little bit. >> i'm not one of those mummy cat collectors. listen. i said no crime scenes. no cat collectors. no hoarders period. period. craig: it is not like these -- >> they will tidy up before we get there. craig: i see. so you're doing a celebrity clean. >> i'm going to really clean. we're bringing cameras with us. craig: what?
>> we're bringing cameras with us. if they don't want to be embarrassed by whatever we find in their sheets, i am going to be handling their -- you know, their business. [laughter] this is my way of saying thank you to all of our loyal fans. craig: anyone that handles my business, i always say thank you. >> as well you should. that is very polite. craig: i'm -- it is not polite. >> it is very polite. craig: but -- >> yes? craig: is that part of cleaning? handling someone's business? >> of course it is. cleaning houses is an extremely difficult job. craig: i know that. >> you touch -- wa kind of business are you talking about? craig: i think that is what the problem is. i'm thinking the business is like fruit shopping if you know what i mean. >> i do know what you mean. i've done it many times. craig: fruit shopping? >> sure. craig: did you do it in new york? >> everywhere. craig: really? >> yeah. craig: geoff has been fruit
shopping in cleveland. geoff: oh, yeah. craig: how did you get to cleveland, there, geoff? geoff: took the train. craig: what kind of train? geoff: it was a steam ensquall line. craig: ok. -- it was a steam engine. craig: just a little thing. did you find out where you were going to go yet? >> no, we just told people about the contest. now we have to pick the winner. craig: what is the criteria? >> they have to send us a video or awkward family photo or something like that. craig: isn't this america's funniest home videos? >> no, they have to tell us how they are similar to our family on the show. that wasn't really my area. my part is whoever wins, i will come and clean their house. craig: you could not pitch that kind of thing. >> why? craig: they will make you do it. >> it is fun. what if the winner is in paris? craig: sure, last time we were
in paris, the whole city shuts down for "raising hope." that's true. we would like to temperature you but it is "raising hope" night. we got to go watch this. -- help you but it is "raising hope" night. >> paris texas, maybe? . craig: have you ever been there? >> yes, i have driven through. detroit. craig: i like detroit. if you start cleaning up there. >> it is a long job. craig: you'll be there for a while. it is a nice town, though. people are lovely. >> yes, i know. it is a big, beautiful country. i want to see all of it. craig: you should get out there. you don't have to clean its all up. >> one house at a time. we value to do our part. craig: fair enough. do you fancy cleaning up before you leave? >> sure. oh, i'll take some fruits. sure, why not? craig: i got some.
>> ooh, is that a jicama? craig: no, i just fell. [laughter] [applause] no, my shirt's tight. this is a jicama. >> that is exotic fruit. craig: when we go fruit shopping, we really go fruit shopping. >> a chanoya. i never had one of those. craig: i think what you do with those is steam them. >> no you don't. this is dragon fruit. craig: have you ever had that? >> it is kind of pink on the inside as well as the outside. suspect it? [laughter] ooh, what's that weird white one over there? craig: this is a pepino. >> oh, i have never seen that. craig: you have never heard gentlemen, please welcome pepino. >> no. craig: i don't know what this
is. it feels a little bit like a -- >> may i? craig: yes, you may. can i watch you? >> it's like an unripe plum. [laughter] that's enough of that. craig: what are you going to take? you get one. >> do i? may i have the jicama? craig: that's the biggest one. all right. is that a fruit, though? >> is it a fruit? craig: it might be a legume. >> no. it is a root. craig: you fancy rut then do you? well there you are. you can share that with your biggest fan. >> thank you. thank you. craig: martha plimpton, everybody. [ male announcer ] one try can change everything. one try can relieve your nightly congestion
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